Faculty Commentary

Hugs I’ve Received, Hugs I’ve Given

Couple Hugging

A client hugged me last week and I was happy. I still am and am still thinking about it.

The man did not really even have to come in for an appointment and I was not really sure why he was there. Over five years, my students and I had represented him in an Supplemental Security Income (SSI) case and had stuck with him. We had finally won with him. He had severe health problems that slowed him but they did not obviously qualify him for benefits. He was often too sick or disorganized to go to his doctor, meaning his medical records were not very supportive. He often missed appointments with us. His fiancé helped him drink, a vice I could absolutely forgive him as he tried to find a way to live with no income in a state with no General Assistance and little other help. Judges and the law were less forgiving. His drinking only made his case harder. But we stuck with him, and eventually convinced a judge that he needed help. He was about to get it.

“I teach about professionalism and hugging clients is not part of the curriculum. Maybe it should be?”

I was happy to talk with him to explain what he had to do to actually have his benefits start, but he really did not have to come in and I think he knew that. Yet he did. And after we talked about what he needed to do to actually get the benefits started, I shook his hand until he stopped me, gave me a hug, thanked me, and left. We had mattered to this 60-year-old man, a man whose life had taken a very different track than my students and mine but with whom we’d formed a connection. He found a way to communicate it. He hugged me.

How nice was that! How hard it is for my students and me to stop and feel appreciated. Perhaps I am better at hugging others and showing others I care—maybe that is for them to say—and I certainly hug friends, family, students, and some clients. But this man forced me to stop and think for a minute that maybe my students and I mattered to him and had improved his life in a way that mattered.  I haven’t heard from him since, and probably never will.

I teach about professionalism and hugging clients is not part of the curriculum. Maybe it should be? When my students and I talk about how to present ourselves as professionals, we are more likely to talk about role differentiation and keeping professional distance. We hardly talk about what we are sacrificing for our clients and ourselves. Shouldn’t we let clients communicate the best way they can? Do we seem too aloof? Aren’t we separating ourselves too much when we call our clients by their last names, hide behind desks when we meet them, and share their joy with nods and handshakes?

I need to teach my students about this. They need to feel appreciated and need learn how to use this tool. I admit I feel somewhat guilty that it was not some of my students that had worked with this man but that I was the one who got to have this experience. I can at least share with them what it was like, and that it feels great.


This article originally appeared on the Clinical Law Prof blog

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